You got to be kidding?!?

What I believed at some point as simply not possible, just came with time... I can walk from one side of the house to the other, without toppling over from lack of breath… I can even walk to my mom and dad’s house (if I really wanted), three quarters of a mile down the road! 

Whoohhooo!

The stress test went well. Doc says I am ready for Round Two…

I don’t think I am ready for Round Two…

Last Thursday I was sleeping in a little bit, like I have been doing since I got back from the hospital and I was having this incredibly annoying, please, please go away, itch. One of the side effects is itchiness and for the last week, somehow it just doesn’t wanna stop.

I rub myself with five different lotions but they all seem to work a couple of hours and then I have to undress and lather up all over again. But Bastiaan and I reason this to be a good thing, it just means that the chemo stuff is still doing its thing and thus Kill, Kill, Kill all those nasty cells…

So while I lay in bed, scratching myself everywhere until I am nice and red all over again, thinking by myself that I really need another bottle of lotion, right here besides my bed,  I feel something  (feeling something  that wasn’t there before on your body is NOT a good thing)…

YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING!!!????

I jump out of bed towards the bathroom and check again.

It could be imagination, you know. Very common amongst patients to feel things that are not really there just because they are scared that something is there…

There was defiantly something there.

And then I got a little angry, well and then MAD and then even MADDER (don’t know if that is a proper English word but my spelling check says it’s ok…) and then I got REALLY REALLY upset.

How come that we are doing this immense-awful chemo stuff, which almost killed me (and I thought the whole plan behind this chemo thing was that I was NOT going to be dying any time soon) and now I am feeling a little bump in my armpit…

Let me tell you this is NOT very uplifting, hopeful or encouraging while trying to Kick Cancer in the Butt.

I called IU in Indianapolis but they didn’t pick up the phone so I called my Dr Nala. She told me to come right away and she would have a look (did I tell you she and the nurses over there are just little angels???). Bastiaan and I rushed to the hospital and Dr Nala checked the little bump. Yes it was defiantly there and no I wasn’t just in my imagination (which I of course new, but then again I have been wrong about my body in the past…). Dr Nala got on the phone and checked with my doctor at IU and together they looked at my CAT-scans and discussed the situation.

Their explanation: It had been there before, I just might not have felt it any sooner and/or because of the chemo it might have enlarged a bit or got closer to the surface of the skin and that is why I felt it now. BUT that it did NOT mean that the chemo is not working and/or that we are not doing the whole kill, kill, kill thing, so we shouldn’t (never ever) give up!

I am scared shitless.

 (I promised myself I wouldn’t curse in my blog… I am promising you now it won’t happen again)

...

Back in the land of the Living...

My gosh…

Cancer Butt Kicking is HARD!!!

I remember the first day in the hospital

I remember the last day of being in the hospital

I remember it being so hard to breathe

I remember Bastiaan being there… always…

When you gain about 7 pounds in 3 days you look like a tomato. And no I don’t mean a cute little tomato  on a little green limb but a FAT, I do not feel happy RED ( called the IL-2 tan) I’m almost falling of off my stick tomato! Being like a tomato is not a good thing. Especially when you keep telling the doctor you are feeling “peachy”…

I got 12 treatments in. They (the doctor and very sweet nurses) say this is a really good thing cause the total you can get is 14 treatments in the first round. We started Monday the 17^th. Every eight hours they would give me the Inter Leukin, but by Thursday I had accumulated so much fluid that my heart had a lot of trouble pumping all my blood to my organs.

A little birdie told me once that it is pretty important to have your heart pump blood around too all your organs all the time...

So Dr Logan and his team stopped treatment and they focused on “fixing me up” quick so my heart didn't get crazy ideas.  Which I think was a super idea!  We stayed in on the Intensive Care Unit until Tuesday the 25^th instead of Sunday the 23th (like normal IL-2 patients) because they wanted to make sure I was all right, that my heart was doing fine, and the fluid was decreasing. Also I needed to get my strength back and get of off the oxygen, (like those little old ladies you see in the movies toting around one of those oxygen tanks… although I didn't walk at all at that time…) and start breathing normally.

I don’t remember very much of being in the hospital, only what my family tells me I did or didn’t do. But maybe that is better. It must have been very hard on them though….

Today I have been home for a week. I can shower by myself (WHOOHOO!!!), I can breathe, read and write again (Oh Yeah Baby) and I can talk walks outside and see Classic, Jones and the crazy cats. I have been to the farm for the first time yesterday and seen our girls...

Life is good.

But this was only part one.

In order to do the full Inter Leukin Treatment (and kill kill kill all those nasty cells) we have to do another round off 5 days Intensive Care…

And, well… we are not sure my heart can take another round. So this week were going to fuel up, get strong, get stamina back and learn to walk to the other side of the house and not be totally exhausted… (no, our house is NOT that big…) AND do a stress test. This stress test is to see if my heart can take another round. They are also going to draw some blood and we are going to see Dr Logan again.

In the mean time I just am overwhelmed (in a GOOD way) with your prayers, cards, gifts, presents, flowers, bears, cookies, socks, pirate games, monkeys in a jar, lollypops, crèmes and all the other goodies you guys sent me and continue to feel very much blessed and loved! You Crazy American’s really do things bigger and better!!! Haha!

THANK YOU!!!

...

Crazy Americans that I LOVE

Ok, so last Monday the 15th  I got this HUGE surprise!
Never in a million years i would have thought that this would happen! I feel extremely blessed and thankful and much, much stronger now too fight this thing even harder!

The sweet ladies from Real Farmwives of America put up a special Facebook page... for me!?!... called: Love for Leontien to give me an extra push in the right direction (as in keep fighting)! But if you have no facebook (yet) or just quit facebook because of all the (crazy) changes you can also visit the Real Farmwives of America blog and meet the ladies who were so incredibly sweet to get this whole crazy "Love Bombing" started! Well, and the Power to the Panties, Kick Cancer's Butt Movement of course... Hehe...

Just know we love you all for being soo good to me, everybody who commented, sent emails, sent cards, Facebooked, hyved, called us on the phone, texted, stopped by the house/farm and prayed for us AND being fantastic friends! We could not fight this fight without all of you!

At the moment were back in Chicago, tomorrow (hopefully) they can tell us what kind of treatment we are going to try...

It'll be alright.

...

And just in case you missed the first Crazy Americans and you are wondering what this crazy talk is about:

Crazy American's and Public Restrooms