And who are you...???

A mammogram, in my imagination was a terrible/the worst/ incredible scary procedure…But was it really??? NOPE! What it was; it was pretty interesting, to be honest…

I hardly slept the two days before I went, and I have to admit all these Stephen King, Dean Koontz and the other horror story writers I like to read didn’t help, but really, it wasn’t that frightening. Not like the awful,  peeing in your pants feeling that you get with the CAT scan and not as SCARY as feeling like you’re the bad guy with the mask in the Silence of the lambs movie, stuck in a tube that is way too small, SCARY!

Maybe it helps if you have smaller breasts???  It really wasn’t that bad. Not that it was fun, but the nurse was really friendly, explained all my 200 questions per minute in a very patient manner AND her hands were warm! Which I thought was a PLUS!

After we got done, she told me to sit and wait and probably within 15 minutes I could go home.

Well, that did not happen.

They saw “something” high up, pretty much above my right breast and they needed to further “investigate”… So I followed another really sweet nurse and unbuttoned. Good thing those fancy robes only have tree buttons (if you are trembling all over it is pretty hard to undo those little thingies) and she scanned my breast again. I have found out that the more you have intimate parts uncovered amongst total strangers, it easier it gets…. (at least that is what I thought up to last Wednesday…) NOT that it is fun, but it isn’t as scary anymore as it was the first time and I think I had my heart rate under control (for the most part anyway).

Again this didn’t go according to plan. After she took several “pics” she left me by myself in that room. All kinds of interesting tools you got there, plus two computers but not the stuff that you want to play with while the nurse is away… So I just fiddled with my robe and buttons.

She didn’t come back for what seemed like an ETERNITY (I should have asked Bastiaan to come but I wasn’t expecting to do all of this, blame the positive side of me) and when she did, it wasn’t just her, no she brought her superior nurse lady…. “Hhhmmmm….”.

The “new” nurse who was even more skilled in reading ultrasounds and mammograms told me that they had indeed found something “off”, but they weren’t sure what it was. And she wanted to look over herself. So I laid down again. Got gooey stuff all over me and the ladies looked…

Inconclusive.  Just my luck…

BUT it is better to know for sure than to not know exactly what it is and since I already had to go to a surgeon later last week, the sweet nurses told me not to worry (haha….) and talk to Dr. L on Wednesday.

I generally like ALL the nurses, nurse practitioners AND doctors (as you probably know). With that said my trip to the hospital on Wednesday is one of my least favorite.

If you have female problems (whatever they might be) it is nice to have a female doctor. At least I like that… They know what you have and what might be going on in or on your body, maybe a tinsy bit better than their male colleagues . So when I found out I had a man as the surgeon who was going to check out my breasts I felt a little uneasy.  But since I am no sissy and everybody deserves the benefit of the doubt AND because I had seen Dr L. before, I thought I would though it out, get it over with, prove everybody that  there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong with me and go home….

So past Wednesday, after being escorted to the examine room by a lovely nurse who said she recognized me from 2 years ago (which was very flattering), putting on a bright pink robe thingy, I sat and waited…

And waited…

And waited some more…

Until I got EXTREMELY upset with everybody and everything! My heart rate went sky high, even higher than with the ultrasound (so yes it was beating almost out of my chest!)! I decided it was not worth the getting upset about waiting part, the doc probably was very busy (it sure didn’t seem like that when I left my little brother in an almost empty waiting room FORTY FIVE MINUTES earlier…) so I waited some more. I didn’t have the guts to go outside my little cubicle, in my paper pink almost fall apart robe thingy anyway…

After almost a full hour of waiting and putting crazy ideas in my head (which happen a lot lately) the doc walked in.  WITH AN ASSISTANT…. And no they did NOT ask me if it was all right that a 20 some year old BOY was gonna see my boobies and they DID NOT apologies for being an HOUR late!

I was in utter shock!

I come from Holland and in Holland we are pretty open about all kinds’ sexuality stuff and yes I know doctors are students before they are doctors BUT I was NOT expecting this and I did not like it! NOT ONE BIT.

But since they did not ask me if it was all right for the boy to stay, and the doc did not explain to me why or what the boy was doing there, I just laid down, zeroed myself to another planet and let them check my breasts. I do think I said yes and no at the right moments and I was aware of the fact that it wasn't the good news I was hoping for but at least it was over in 5 minutes… tops…

You have to believe me, I am no sissy, and I do understand that young folks need to learn, and they can’t learn from books only. But at least they could have asked me if it was oke, for him to be there…?  Since I have been diagnosed 3 and a half year ago I had never felt so vulnerable and like a number as last Wednesday, and you probably knew that because I have been writing a LOT of funny hospital stories although they were not always funny at that time. This was really not one of them.

And to make matters worse, Dr L. and the boy did not know what “it” was so now we have to do a biopsy. This will be biopsy number two this week. Which again is all right with me, because I rather know, then live with the maybe’s…

So this Tuesday I will probably have a blue boobie and Thursday Dr Nala will say… “YOU ARE ALL RIGHT!!!” See…  those words are worth all the blue boobies, blue ribs and young boys who need to learn!

...