Monday, August 29, 2011

And who are you...???


A mammogram, in my imagination was a terrible/the worst/ incredible scary procedure…But was it really??? NOPE! What it was; it was pretty interesting, to be honest…

I hardly slept the two days before I went, and I have to admit all these Stephen King, Dean Koontz and the other horror story writers I like to read didn’t help, but really, it wasn’t that frightening. Not like the awful,  peeing in your pants feeling that you get with the CAT scan and not as SCARY as feeling like you’re the bad guy with the mask in the Silence of the lambs movie, stuck in a tube that is way too small, SCARY!

Maybe it helps if you have smaller breasts???  It really wasn’t that bad. Not that it was fun, but the nurse was really friendly, explained all my 200 questions per minute in a very patient manner AND her hands were warm! Which I thought was a PLUS!


After we got done, she told me to sit and wait and probably within 15 minutes I could go home.

Well, that did not happen.

They saw “something” high up, pretty much above my right breast and they needed to further “investigate”… So I followed another really sweet nurse and unbuttoned. Good thing those fancy robes only have tree buttons (if you are trembling all over it is pretty hard to undo those little thingies) and she scanned my breast again. I have found out that the more you have intimate parts uncovered amongst total strangers, it easier it gets…. (at least that is what I thought up to last Wednesday…) NOT that it is fun, but it isn’t as scary anymore as it was the first time and I think I had my heart rate under control (for the most part anyway).

Again this didn’t go according to plan. After she took several “pics” she left me by myself in that room. All kinds of interesting tools you got there, plus two computers but not the stuff that you want to play with while the nurse is away… So I just fiddled with my robe and buttons.

She didn’t come back for what seemed like an ETERNITY (I should have asked Bastiaan to come but I wasn’t expecting to do all of this, blame the positive side of me) and when she did, it wasn’t just her, no she brought her superior nurse lady…. “Hhhmmmm….”.

The “new” nurse who was even more skilled in reading ultrasounds and mammograms told me that they had indeed found something “off”, but they weren’t sure what it was. And she wanted to look over herself. So I laid down again. Got gooey stuff all over me and the ladies looked…

Inconclusive.  Just my luck…


BUT it is better to know for sure than to not know exactly what it is and since I already had to go to a surgeon later last week, the sweet nurses told me not to worry (haha….) and talk to Dr. L on Wednesday.

I generally like ALL the nurses, nurse practitioners AND doctors (as you probably know). With that said my trip to the hospital on Wednesday is one of my least favorite.

If you have female problems (whatever they might be) it is nice to have a female doctor. At least I like that… They know what you have and what might be going on in or on your body, maybe a tinsy bit better than their male colleagues . So when I found out I had a man as the surgeon who was going to check out my breasts I felt a little uneasy.  But since I am no sissy and everybody deserves the benefit of the doubt AND because I had seen Dr L. before, I thought I would though it out, get it over with, prove everybody that  there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong with me and go home….

So past Wednesday, after being escorted to the examine room by a lovely nurse who said she recognized me from 2 years ago (which was very flattering), putting on a bright pink robe thingy, I sat and waited…

And waited…

And waited some more…

Until I got EXTREMELY upset with everybody and everything! My heart rate went sky high, even higher than with the ultrasound (so yes it was beating almost out of my chest!)! I decided it was not worth the getting upset about waiting part, the doc probably was very busy (it sure didn’t seem like that when I left my little brother in an almost empty waiting room FORTY FIVE MINUTES earlier…) so I waited some more. I didn’t have the guts to go outside my little cubicle, in my paper pink almost fall apart robe thingy anyway…

After almost a full hour of waiting and putting crazy ideas in my head (which happen a lot lately) the doc walked in.  WITH AN ASSISTANT…. And no they did NOT ask me if it was all right that a 20 some year old BOY was gonna see my boobies and they DID NOT apologies for being an HOUR late!

I was in utter shock!

I come from Holland and in Holland we are pretty open about all kinds’ sexuality stuff and yes I know doctors are students before they are doctors BUT I was NOT expecting this and I did not like it! NOT ONE BIT.


But since they did not ask me if it was all right for the boy to stay, and the doc did not explain to me why or what the boy was doing there, I just laid down, zeroed myself to another planet and let them check my breasts. I do think I said yes and no at the right moments and I was aware of the fact that it wasn't the good news I was hoping for but at least it was over in 5 minutes… tops…

You have to believe me, I am no sissy, and I do understand that young folks need to learn, and they can’t learn from books only. But at least they could have asked me if it was oke, for him to be there…?  Since I have been diagnosed 3 and a half year ago I had never felt so vulnerable and like a number as last Wednesday, and you probably knew that because I have been writing a LOT of funny hospital stories although they were not always funny at that time. This was really not one of them.

And to make matters worse, Dr L. and the boy did not know what “it” was so now we have to do a biopsy. This will be biopsy number two this week. Which again is all right with me, because I rather know, then live with the maybe’s…

So this Tuesday I will probably have a blue boobie and Thursday Dr Nala will say… “YOU ARE ALL RIGHT!!!” See…  those words are worth all the blue boobies, blue ribs and young boys who need to learn!

...

62 comments:

TexWisGirl said...

hoping it will be okay, dearie... truly hoping and praying...

don said...

A fascinating account. Best wishes for a favorable outcome…and soon.

Mike said...

The waiting game is such a bother. Looks like they could've done a biopsy right then and there. It really isn't that difficult of a sugery and they knew you were coming. So now, whenever they do it they'll send it off to be analyzed and you'll have more waiting. I hate to wait when it's something like you're going through. Best wishes.

Debbie said...

big, big hugs!!! thinking of you at this difficult time!!!

Eternal Lizdom said...

Hugs and prayers for you.

And hoping you consider writing a letter to your doctor to express your feelings about the experience.

Garden of Egan said...

You know you can let Dr. L know that you do NOT want the 20 year old in there.
You have every right.
This makes me mad. As a nurse I am well aware that the patient is the one in charge.
You also need to tell him you didn't appreciate it.
Give me his number, I'll tell him!

OK, so you'll have blue boobies again. Dang it.
I'm so sorry for the waiting part.
That's the worst.

You are still in my prayers and I'm crossing my fingers and toes for you my friend!

It's me said...

Meissie toch wat een naar verhaal.....ga zo vreselijk voor een goede afloop bidden !!!...denk aan je liefs van mij...xxx...hele dikke knuffel !!..xxx..

Lois Evensen said...

Yes, I hope it will be OK, too.

It was very poor manners for the doc not to ask about an assistant or student to watch your exam. We get that courtesy even at the dermatologist! Perhaps you should send them the link to your blog!

Sandra said...

i am out of breath from keeping up with your story. what a story, i know about mammo's but nothing like this, and yes they should have asked if it was ok. doctors don't think anything about it at all and some thing they are God's not men, so does not surprise me.
praying for your next visit to be nothing at all... a little blue boobie will not be so bad if they say nothing. hang in there, I will be thinking of you and waiting with you

farmer said...

I love how you write your blogs,you take your reader through your feeling,especially those of us who have had the feelings of nearly peeing ourselves during a CT scan and all those awkward procedures with students present.
Sending so many thoughts and prayers your way!! F

Kim said...

Yes, they should have asked if it was OK. Sorry you had another less-than-pleasant experience. Sending good vibes your way.
Kim

Louise said...

Definitely let them know how upset you were about the way you were treated.

In the meantime, You keep that tough, positive attitude. I'll be thinking of you, for sure.

Furry Bottoms said...

I would NOT have liked it with that 20 yr old boy there. NO WAY. I would have asked who he was and why he was there and then kicked him out. I don't care if he's studying to be a Dr... you always ASK the patient!! Ugh.

Hope you get the news you want to hear!!

Larkrise garden girl said...

Leontien, Waiting is so hard when your in a sterile room.I know what you feel like when they go in the other room and check out the xrays. Once again another dumb procedure better safe then sorry. Did I ever tell you about the time I got pulled over by a policemen after a mammogram and I mentioned I had just had a mammogram and was not use to the area I was in. He looked embarrased and gave me just a warning! Just trying to make you laugh even though it's tough. Triple Hugs Cheri

Sharon said...

I really hope this turns out fine for you, waiting is really the pits!

You do have patient's rights, if you were not comfortable, you should have told them so, teaching hospital or not. Remember that next time, and ah, take a book, these guys are known to take forever to get there, I believe they think we expect it.

My breasts are full of knots, I always expect it to come out bad, but it hasn't so far.

You just rest your mind and do your best not to worry about it.

XXX

PS I like your storm clouds, very artsy!

Alica said...

Oh Leontien, I can truly identify with you! The past few times I've gone, I've had to have biopsies, and the waiting is by far the worst part!! Praying that all is well with you...there are SO MANY possibilities, and NOT all of them are cancer! Thanks for the update!

Lisa @ Two Bears Farm said...

What a horrible visit. And hello, standard protocol when you have a student is to ask if it's okay for them to sit and - and before you even bring them in the room! I'm so sorry you had to go through all that. I hope that the biopsy goes well. Hugs!!

sawn48 said...

A good attitude is worth a lot when dealing with health issues, and you seem to have a great attitude.You should pass all of their tests with flying colors.Our thoughts are with you.

Negerigeletschtempoit said...

You are allright! You are allright! You are allright! You are allright! You are allright!

You hear me?...

Sending you the best that my heart can feel. You ARE allright!
xxxxxxxx

Jill said...

Sending you love, hugs and prayers, hon. Stay positive!

Terry M Scott (AKA Terry Mann) said...

I'm sorry you had to do all that waiting Leontien, and to have the student there also? Geez could they have made it any worse.
I'll think healing thoughts for you!

Ellie said...

What a dreadful time you are having. Hoping and praying that you get good results. Thinking of you and sending you lots of hugs. Take care.

LindaG said...

I have never been anywhere that they did not ask if a basically unauthorized person could assist and watch.
I would have been upset, too.
And most places always let you have a same sex assistant in the room with you. As in, there should have been a female nurse there, too.
Very rude doctor. I hope you never have to see him again.

Good luck and God Bless. I certainly hope Dr. Nala says you are okay, too.
*hugs* Leontien.

Cinderella11pm said...

The waiting and the insensitivity of them and the whole lack of them being able to know what it was they were or were not seeing is infuriating, Leontien.

The medical system needs to be aware of what they make patients go through when that happens, and take steps so it DOESN'T happen.

There are no excuses that make that acceptable.

You shouldn't have to wait, you
should have knowledgable people reading your results, not asisatants - and they should ask if you prefer a woman only to be in your room with you when you are partially unclothed.

I personally will never do a mammogram again, for several reasons - some the same and diffrent from yours.

I go to a wonderful highly qualified doctor and get a thermogram, which I have been told can detect cancer nearly a year before a mamogram can, by heat signature.
No, insurance does not pay. I simply trust it far more and so go do it.

May Dr. Nala say YOU ARE ALL RIGHT on Thursday!!!

((Hugs))

Buttons said...

Oh the waiting has got to be the worst part. I can't believe he did not ask, when you get to first base most young men ask right? I am just trying to make you smile. Did it work?
I am so sorry you have to go through this. I wish this was over already and you and your blue boob can go back home with a big smile and write funny stories that makes everyone else laugh.
Take care my friend you are going to be alright. :) You are the bravest young woman I know keep thinking positive and I surely am for you. B

Tanna at The Brick Street Bungalow said...

Oh, Leontien. I have no words for that. I'm so sorry that on top of your health fears you had to experience that sense of being a number. Unexcusable. I am continuing on with the prayers. blessings ~ tanna

Angelina said...

Tjemig, meid, wat heftig weer...
Weet dat ook wij met je meeleven en vet hard voor je duimen dat alles snel goed mag komen.

Enorm veel sterkte !!

Liefs van Mayk, Angelina en Brent

mmbear said...

Hope everything turns out all right. I know about illness and what it takes to make it through. I have been disabled since 2005 with Fibromyalgia, RA, IBS, IC (chronic bladder pain) both knees replaced, etc., etc. I could add more but it would be too long. I am a new follower thru GFC and would have followed on FB but FB suspended me last week for 15 days because I was FB blog hopping and "liking" everyone and asking them to "like" me back. How that is spam I don't know. I tried to appeal but they won't answer my emails. Thing is, we sign up for those hops, so you are giving each other the permission to come over. Why pick on an honest blogger instead of some pervert looking at naked children? You would have thought I killed someone the way they acted! So, here's the deal, either you can go ahead and follow me on FB also today and leave me a comment on my blog and I will catch up with you after the ban (5 more to go) or you can wait until I follow you first. It does not really matter which way. I will say that I will only leave comments on blogs from now on. This has seriously hurt me during contests and accepting reviews because I can't promote on FB. So, no more FB comments from me. I hope your biopsy is fine and just pop over when you can. Thanks so much and have a great week!

Mary@http://www.mmbearcupoftea.com

Arkansas Patti said...

So many things in your story should not have happened but since they did, I'd let the doctor know about them.
I have been through a similar ordeal like you have just gone through and the biopsies were normal. My what the mind goes through till you get the all clear.
Putting you in my prayers that all goes smoothly on Tues and you can finally relax. Let us know.

Cinner said...

My prayers are with you that you get great news. I understand you being upset. It is horrible when you feel like a number. oh I could tell you stories....and we are supposed to have one of the best heath care systems in the world. When I had my surgeries done this summer I came too and there was a strange man with a clipboard at the end of my bed asking if he could see my incision. I felt very nervous,,,I think being on morphine helped...next time I might just take a rolling pin. lol. hoping the very best for you.

Samantha said...

Sending prayers..and definitely discuss this with your doctor! That was NOT ok.

Katie said...

I am so sorry to hear about all that you are going through. Thanks for commenting on my blog. My mom is a breast cancer survivor of almost 13 years. Please know that you will be in both of our prayers. I look forward to getting to know you better through our blogs and through Rural Women Rock. Please keep me updated on how you are doing.

Cheryl @ The Farmer's Daughter said...

Hi Leontien, hoping and praying that all goes well for you and you get an "all clear". (((hugs)))

TheCrankyCrow said...

Oh Leontien - I think we are living parallel lives in many ways. But, my dear, I think I can say I hold the record for the longest mammogram appointment set 2 years back....I won't bore you with all the details because in my anger and frustration, I've even forgotten a few, but suffice it to say that an appointment that commenced at 1:00 lasted until 6:30 pm - a full hour and a half after the clinic even closed. After several booby-squishings (with lengthy waits in-between), I went onto an ultrasound, a biopsy, and an aspiration. All turned out well in the end - as I have every faith that yours will as well (since we are living parallel lives, you know!!) ;o) And, yeah - that's baloney with the dr bringing a trainee in without asking - protocol require them to get your consent first. Sending my very best thoughts your way, and heartfelt prayers going up....Believe, Leontien, believe....Smiles & Hugs ~ Robin

Dolores said...

This makes me soooo furious.......there's no excuse for the doctor not asking your permission to bring in a student.....and for you having to wait for any length of time is NOT OKAY. I can not imagine how terrible your stress and anger level must have been.

I'm so glad you posted.....I will have you in my thoughts and prayers..

Becky~ said...

Hoping for the best news for you.Relax and know its all done and things will be fine.

Happy Tuesday ahead!

The Barn Door said...

It wasn't fair how those docs handled that!! Thinking of you and sending prayers for a benign result!

Debbie @ Swampbilly Ranch said...

Never be afraid to speak out for yourself. Praying all is well.

Jeanie said...

I am very much hoping to hear "nothing" from you soon. I'm also hoping to hear that you let the doctor know how you felt about the way the exam was handled.

Susan said...

Well, that wasn't a fun experience was it. I think the waiting would have bothered me more than the 20 year old. Waiting takes it's toll.I am thinking of you!!! I just had my PET Scan, so now it's waiting for results. Hurry up and wait. Crap!!!
Please take care, you are in my prayers!!!!!

XOXO

Julia said...

No matter how you cut it, it's NEVER fun when something like that happens. I hope that whatever they found is benign. Hug and prayers. JB

Michaele said...

I think you had a right to speak up, if it made you uncomfortable, but zoning out was a good thing too. I can't imagine what you are going through, but I am glad you share, so we can be with you in thought and prayer.

Annette said...

Let us know how the biopsy goes. I'm thinking about you and sending positive thoughts - to you. To that rude doctor and his assistant I'm sending very nasty, mean and threatening thoughts. What a jerk. Patients have feelings and a right to privacy and courtesy. He treated you like a specimen. That's just wrong.

Paula said...

Wishing you the very best and with your good attitude I feel it will be good news.

Betsy from Tennessee said...

Oh Yes---I am well aware of Mammograms.. I have one every year --so I've been through it ALOT. AND--I do NOT have small boobs!!!! ha

Glad you gave that doctor and young boy some 'practice'.. That's how they learn --at your expense... Gads!!!!

Hope you get GOOD news after all that you went through. Please keep us posted. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Hugs,
Betsy

Raindrops and Daisies said...

Thinking of you.

What a terrible worry for you.

I will keep you in my thoughts.

Please let us know how it goes.

I know you must be worried sick,
please take care.

Sush said...

Oh Leontien...I am praying for a positive outcome and for the Dr's you are around to have compassion and use all the knowledge and expert skills to their best abilities. It sometimes seems like we are numbers in those cold sterile offices. I think it is best to speak up for yourself in those moments. No Dr is better than his patient, and sometimes they are just so distracted by their day they need to be yanked back in line!

Love and prayers flowing your way on gentle breezes!

Hugs~

Clint said...

Visits to the clinics suck. Seldom will you get any respect. Bedside manner is not taught in med school. I sympathize with ya.

During my last physical my doc brought in a med student to observe as he stuck his finger up my a**. I didn't care for that too much, either.

I'm saying a prayer for you.

Laoch of Chicago said...

Good wishes to you.

Out on the prairie said...

Tough to go through, it is a long process.I worked around it, and had to do rotations through the area.

The plant in my last post was named Rattlesnake Master. The first one was a milkweed letting loose its fluff.Thanks for stopping in!

Gail Dixon (Louisiana Belle) said...

So sorry you are having to go through this. Yes, the senior doc should have explained why the little boy doc was there--at the least. Sounds like you handled yourself gracefully. Praying for a positive outcome for you!

Jill said...

Leontien, I am so sorry you had such a stressful visit with Dr. L. All of that waiting and anxiety. I just don't understand why doctors put us through that. You are such a strong person! The older I get the less patience I have with this type of situation. Doctors should be more caring an kind. I am praying for you to have favorable results from your biopsy. I do love the fact that the nurses were so caring and sweet. Maybe if you just start yelling while in the waiting room the doctor will be a little faster next time. Ha!

Dreaming said...

Hugs to you dear girl. What a terrible experience. I also had a 'not quite right' picture at my last two mammograms, and had to have ultrasounds, and strange doctors...and waiting - in a room with all that techno-geek stuff. That, I think is the worst part. I know my brain had built it all up to be this huge problem, I already, in my mind, had them trundling me up to OR to cut it off and trying to figure out who and how my animals would be taken care of and all of that stuff.... plus the heart racing. None of that is a good feeling.
My good wishes and prayers are coming your way.
I'll be thinking of you!

Sandi said...

Your story reminded me of some of my own. Someday, when you are past this, maybe we can share some of our war stories and laugh together.

Know I am thinking of you and praying for you.

Sandi said...

Your story reminded me of some of my own. Someday, when you are past this, maybe we can share some of our war stories and laugh together.

Know I am thinking of you and praying for you.

geetlee said...

I can understand the nervousness and the stress.
You are so strong and brave!
I'm hoping and praying that everything goes great on Thursday :)
Much love

Lana said...

I have started taking my Kindle to doctor appointments to help pass any long wait periods.

That being said, remember you DO have the right to speak up and say something to the doctor if you are uncomfortable in any way. I can't imagine the crazy places your brain went because I know where mine goes!

Hugs to you dear, and I am praying for good news. Hope to see you on the 14th at our bloggy gathering.

Ricki Jill Treleaven said...

I hated the waiting, too. Still praying for you, babe. Sorry you have to put up with the biopsy, but it will be worth knowing conclusively.

Katie @Pinke Post said...

Stay strong Leontien and keep sharing! We are cheering and praying for you in North Dakota.

Deila said...

Thanks for sharing this ordeal with us, I can't imagine the run around and waiting and all those scary thoughts and that boy there too. You are a saint -- hang in there.

About Muriel said...

I pray and hope you get good news soon! and agreed, waiting royally sucks!

Dreaming said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog and commenting.

As for my mammograms.. I've had curious results two times in a row. But, I am very pleased with the radiologist and trust his judgement... whatever he was seeing he felt was scar tissue from a previous biopsy - which was negative. The screening was very thorough and I have total confidence that everything is A-OK... at least this time. But... the waiting, during the process, was really hard.
God Bless you! My prayers for good results are coming your way!