How to become a pyromaniac

Yep, you’re reading this right. I’m going to tell you the basic rules about becoming a pyromaniac.

First: you need a LOT of wood.
There is just no fun in burning down somebody’s house, barn or shed…Well OK, if it is a really really old barn or shed and there is nothing in it no more except spiders (burn baby burn) and it is a real sore to the eyes… maybe then you could… BUT you have to have permission from the owner…

Second: You need some fuel.
Yes I know with the fuel prices these days, you’re not gonna spill a whole gallon on a big fire, but trust me, you get GREAT satisfaction when you see that all the wood goes up in flames… well... if your still not convinced you can always use some used oil from tractors, lawnmowers, cars and scooters…

Third: You need a wheelbarrow, a shovel and a pitchfork.
In order to create a good fire that last a couple of hours you need the wheelbarrow to bring all the branches and wood to the fire. And you need the shovel and pitchfork to clean up the fire and make sure it doesn’t get too big or out of control (as in burning your house down).

And finally: You need supportive parents!
Well actually the parents are the REAL pyromaniacs but you can’t tell the neighbors, they might get scared!

In Holland you are not allowed to burn anything. We used too maybe 10 - 15 years ago but nowadays you can’t do anything anymore not even making a nice little fire in your back yard. You have to remember Holland is one third the size of Indiana and Indiana has 3.3 million people whereas Holland has 16 million. Yep…. That is why, no fires in The Netherlands…

When we finally got our visas and moved here in February of 2006. We were happily surprised that the weather was already 60 degrees Fahrenheit (the ONLY year that happend since we been here!). Me and my dad had spotted a great little house not far from where the dairy was going to be, a couple of months before we actually moved, and we had contacted the lady who owned it. She really didn’t want to rent it out but after we convinced her that we really were “nice” and “decent” people and our sweet crop farmer put in a good word for us she let us rent the house.

Now you all want to know what we did those first couple of days…. Right???

Well, we burned and burned and burned! All the leaves, all the old branches, entire threes, the half collapsed chicken coops (yes there were several) and after 2 weeks of burning stuff we had nothing to burn anymore. It was 40 acres of forest after all... took some time to clean up... The best thing was that my mom and dad had a smile on their faces from morning till evening because they felt so liberated! You could burn things here! No, the police would not show up. The neighbors wouldn’t call the fire department just because the smoke would come their way. No way! This is the land of the free!!!

Having a little fire every evening really made us feel happy and content with the huge decision of immigrating to this beautiful country. And yes every now and then we turn into little pyromaniacs again (especially when my little sister comes over from Holland), and we have ourselves a little bonfire and enjoy this immense country and eachothers company.

 
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Three times is the Charm! Getting Married # 2

I had my wedding dress…
It was gorgeous…
It didn’t fit anymore… I was too skinny.

We were done with the first full month of chemo and into our three times a week for 48 weeks "period", and yes, I had survived so far. I also survived the surgeries and yes, I even survived the fact that we cut my hair (all that was left of it) and I found out that I was more vain then I ever thought I was going to be about the whole hair thing.

Apparently losing your hair doesn’t seem too bad until it is gone… And yes, every Sunday Bastiaan would drive me to the farm so I could do the payroll for our boys who so desperately with him, my parents and my brother were trying to run the dairy…

We didn’t even think about the wedding that we were supposed to have in July…We were in FULL SURVIVOR mode.

Our Catholic priest was also in full survivor mode.

On our way to Ohio is a beautiful church. Exactly like we have them in Holland (big, old and tall) and as soon as Bastiaan had asked me to marry him I told him I would love to get married in that particular church. We only had one little problem…. Bastiaan was not raised Catholic…

We met with the priest and explained that we would love to get married in his church and join his parochial. He told us getting married there would be all right if we went to a “marriage session” and he had to ask the bishop. Of course we also would have to go to church every Sunday and raise our “soon to be” kids Catholic… The session is a whole blog post on its own, trust me…

We went to church, went to the session and got to know the priest a bit better. After we got the "news" he came over to our house and we had an ointment for the sick and he told us he would be back and check up on me.

On a particular Tuesday, don’t ask me what Tuesday cause I really don’t know, he told us he would come by and we needed to have my mom and dad present. I had no idea what he was coming to do. I just knew I had to keep my Big Mac down that I had the day before after my nice shot of chemo, and focussing on keeping my body still (from trembling uncontrollably) and try not to fall asleep. That was all I could focus on. I asked Bastiaan what the priest was coming to do, but he had no idea either. We finally came to the conclusion maybe he wanted to do another ointment of the sick???

But that was not what he came to do…

He arrived with a briefcase, candles, ointment and a booklet. It just didn’t make sense to us.

I was wearing my oldest, and I mean OLDEST, sweater and maybe (I cant be completely sure) I wasn’t even wearing a bra!?! Bastiaan was wearing his favorite (I don’t wanna come out, cow poopie stained) jeans on and mom a dad just arrived from the dairy so they didn’t think about dressing up either. The priest looked a bit confused by our appearances but didn’t say a word.

We all sat down on our couch and he took out all his instruments, lighted the candles and put on his nice “thingy that he wears around his neck” cloak dress. Bastiaan was just looking at my mom and dad and I was just in THE "chemo" zone…

He preformed the ointment for the sick and steamed, and yes I mean STEAMED, like a STEAMBOAT that can’t stop, into: “do you Bastiaan Meewis Oostdijck take Leontien Martina Francina Wilhelmina Maria van de Laar to be your wife?”

“WHAT???!!!”

“Oh no no NO…. You can’t marry us in these clothes, on our couch, without anybody knowing, in poopie stained jeans, without family and friends, ON OUR COUCH!!!”

Bastiaan said “I do”. And so did I. My mom and dad signed the papers he had brought.

I puked and went to bed.
Bastiaan let the priest out.
Mom and dad called my brother (it was too late to call my sister and Bastiaan’s parents in The Netherlands) and went to work at the farm.

Bastiaan and I talked about that day a lot. We figured the priest thought I was in such bad shape (and yes he probably was right), I might join the Good Lord soon, so he better marry us while he could so at least we would be joined together in front of God.

But what this priest did not know is that I am stubborn. As in very, very stubborn. And I wanted to marry my love the right way. In a church. In a white dress that I already had for 6 months. In front of our family. In the presence of our friends. And defiantly DEFINATLY NOT on our own couch!

Bastiaan and I decided to kick this whole cancer thing even harder in the butt so we could do it the proper way.

But with another priest.

All we had to do was fix me…

Next Monday, Yes, THE THIRTH TIME IS THE CHARM!!!


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How to end up with my perfect guy...

There is no such thing as the perfect guy, right??? WRONG!

This past Monday I told you about our Bar in School (Bar 6-) and this cute guy that walked in while I was doing my weekly shift of bartending…. Yes, on a weeknight...

Bastiaan, was his name.

I figured this was a good, solid name and I quickly checked his hands (pretty important for a farmer) and checked his teeth (pretty important for a farm girl). They were both fine so we started chatting.

He just came back from Australia where he spent 8 months working at a cotton farm a sheep farm and doing some backpacking. That sounded like music to my ears because I already had traveled 3 times to The States, once to Canada, several times to Sicily (all by myself!) so I was pretty content with the fact that I found somebody who traveled (by himself) too and wasn't afraid to see the world.

We talked a hole in the night. Of course I was too busy talking to notice the time and D finally told me, “Hey Leo, shouldn’t you close the bar?” Oh yeah, close the bar... Bastiaan helped us close the bar (which included cleaning the whole place, clean the toilets and the outside so the next morning “normal” students could go to school) without finding left overs from the previous night and we did this same thing the next night and the next…

Although I told him the second night, “You have to know, when I grow up, I’m gonna live in The States!”, that didn’t scare him off. He just laughed and asked if maybe I wanted to come to Australia instead.

“NO WAY!” … Yes, yes determined stubborn is something that some people would label me with…

On our 4th night he walked me back to my car. We also had dorms on the school property and the first year they recommend you staying in the dorms (to get adjusted to the life, as in, don’t drink and drive but just crawl home...) but because I was already in my third year I “upgraded” my bottom into a real student house (in the suburbs of the town). Bastiaan had his room in the dorm (after all he was brand spanking new), but I had to drive to my house every evening. 

While walking "home"/to my car from the Bar listening to a Belgium band, Lasgo with their hit song Something, Bastiaan kissed me! And yes this was one of our OPENING SONGS at our wedding (our THIRD wedding, but I’ll tell you all about that later) and yes he is about 1.5 years younger but he also knew how to take charge... hehe…

The music was great, the weather was great, the evening went really well and I was in the best company a girl could wish for. When I got home I woke up all my roommates and told them we had kissed! Of course they were very happy for me and asked me what my plan was next. I hadn’t been in a serious relationship for a while and I told them, "we would see where it would lead us". To D I said, “I don’t know, he is awfully young, maybe it will last 3 months and then something else will come along for him”…

This year we are together 10 years with LOTS of ups and downs; as in: break up’s, get together’s, emigration to a different part of the world, battling cancer, starting a large dairy together with MY mom, dad and brother, leaving his family for me, leaving his friends for me and try to find new friends, putting his dreams away on a shelf so i can chase my crazy American Dream, going true a truly awful time financially and mentally with our dairy so soon after we started up, learning to love cows while actually he is a crop farmer and no, crop farmers are not dairy farmers..., hoping that one day he can become a daddy, that is if my body and mind  is ready to have little ones... and oh, did I mention BATTLING cancer with me…?

I really KNOW i found my perfect match. He’s quiet, I’m blabbing all the time, he’s understanding, I’m wondering AND worrying about everything everywhere, he thinks things true, I’m a spur of the moment kindda girl, he’s perfect , I’m far from….


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All I ever wanted… Was a real kiss!!!

All I ever wanted… at age 14… was a real kiss!

Nope, not a kiss from the guys in my class (who were boy friends but NOT my boyfriends, big difference at that age) not a kiss from mom or dad and not a wet, all over your cheek, kiss from grandma (although I loved those)! NO I was ready for my first real boy kisses girl, like in the movies, kiss!!!

Bastiaan & me Kissing!







Whenever a boy or girl from our class would have his or her birthday everybody would be invited to his or her birthday party and it would be lot's of fun but nothing too crazy. On this particular Friday evening my neighbor boy had his party and I was allowed to go! And I just knew this was gonna be my night!

All my girlie classmates had had their first “real” kiss, and yes by this I mean all the most popular girls (yes, peer pressure is everywhere even in The Netherlands) and I just desperately wanted to get it over with, so I could talk about “that” feeling and the of course, GORGEOUS boys, me and my girlfriends would be dreaming about!

This was a very special party because there would be boys out of the BIG city coming! Not the hillbilly boys that were my classmates, noooo REAL BOYS!!!

I had this in the pocket!

I put my best looking jeans on, stuffed some extra pads in my bra… (Yes, I know)… Gave my mom and dad a kiss and told them I would be home by eleven. My friend picked me up and with our bikes, as in bicycle, and we rode the half mile to my neighbors house.

The party was in full swing but they boys from the big city had not arrived yet… Good thing cause I needed to prepare. The big thing, or so my girlfriends told me was, if they boy in question would ask if I would like “to go out”, that meant he wanted to kiss me and I better put a piece of gum in my mouth if I wanted to make sure this was gonna be a good first kiss..

“Oke!”, I had it all under control…

Bastiaan & me almost kissing at the farm in the snow!













Finally the boys from the big city arrived! Two handsome blond guys and 3 dark haired, even more handsome guys. One of the dark haired guys was the captain of the soccer team and he, according to my girlfriends was "the one"! After some initial shy introductions i learned his name was Robbie, he was 15 and loved playing soccer.

The rest of the night I was pretty nervous, but I “slow danced” on Roxette, Toto and Duran Duran and even did some sitting on the couch discussing latest “best shows on TV ever” with Robbie. It was almost eleven and I was freaking out a bit because he hadn’t asked me “the thing” yet! Desperately I looked to my friend and she was just shaking her head… having an “I don’t know” look on her face.

At ten minutes to eleven I went outside to find my bike and figured this was not my night after all and tinkered with the lock. Robbie who followed me like a real gentleman, helped me and while we are standing there, he asks me; “do you wanna go out?”…

My response: “Hu? Why??? We are already outside???”
He was looking at me if I just landed on earth from another planet, and for a moment I thought I was…

And then IT hit me!!! He was asking me to do some kissing!!!

Oh, I was NOT prepared at all!!! First off; how could I respond after I asked this incredibly dumb question and second; I did not have any chewing gum!!! Anywhere!!!

He came closer and closer, took my hand…. Put his other hand on my back… and we kissed…

I still had one hand on my bike…

At our wedding day KISSING in front of our farm!






YUCK!!!! my gosh, all this slime…. And this tongue…. And this slime… YUCK!!! And why is he acting like our almost broken, clothes washing machine on spinning cycle with that tongue… YUCK!!!!

This was nothing like in the movies!?!
I think it lasted 3 minutes... Tops…

I grabbed my bike, hollered to my girlfriend to get her butt and bike and speeded away, home!

I never saw Robbie again, and it took quite some time before I ever wanted to kiss a boy again.


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