Monday, September 5, 2011

Bent


If I fall along the way
Pick me up and dust me off
And if I get too tired to make it
Be my breath so I can walk

If I need some other love
Give me more than I can stand
And when my smile gets old and faded
Wait around I’ll smile again

Shouldn’t be so complicated
Just hold me and then
Just hold me again

Can you help me I’m bent
I’m so scared that I’ll never
Get put back together


Both biopsies were positive
Dr Nala had no good news to share
And right now i do not know how or why this is happening...

Wednesday we have to go back and discuss treatment and surgery options.  Round two, here we come, ready or not...

I am a fighter but I seem to have lost my sword (and my scull panties for that matter) at the moment. But give me a couple of days and i'll find it back...


...
Bent - Matchbox Twenty

89 comments:

Michaele said...

We all know how strong you are and you know we will be praying so HARD for you. I am so sorry you have to fight this again.

Sandra said...

I will be praying for you, for strength and for healing and for the courage we all know you have from your shared past experiences. put on those boots and stomp this thing out once again. I really am so sorry you have to once again go into this battle. hugs from Florida

Ellie said...

Oh, I am so sorry you are having to do this again. Sending lots of hugs to you. We are all here if you need to offload.

Buttons said...

Ok First thing find those panties. Next; You are a very strong young woman you are going to fight this with everything you have. Your family and your readers will all be there for you and you can do this. I know you can. I know it will not be easy but you have it in you.
This really sucks and I am mad, but you get mad and kick its ASS (yes I said it) the heck to the curb for good this time. :0 :) B

Lana said...

Do you know how many dear friends you have who will not only help you find that sword, and your panties, but will also help you carry it when it becomes to heavy?

WE are all lifting you up in our prayers. It's a beautiful day out today so go out, close your eyes, and feel the cool, restoring energy we are sending you. You know there is an old Beatle's tune, "I Get By with a Little Help from My Friends," that you need to listen to. While you don't need any help with the love department, we will help you find your tune when it's a bit off.

Hugs, Love, and Prayers to you!

Katie @ On the Banks of Squaw Creek said...

Oh, Leontien, I'll be praying for you. You can do this!

I loved matchbox 20 back in the day, too.

Farmchick said...

Praying for you! DO NOT GIVE UP! Find those panties and that sword!

Clint said...

I figure most of what I could say right now would just sound stupid. So I'll simply say that there are so many people who love you and who are praying for you.

You are a wonderful spirit and you give so much to others in upifting our spirits.

I---and everyone else on here---is here for you. Hang tough, my dear friend. You are loved.

Betsy from Tennessee said...

Oh My Young Friend, My heart aches for you. I'm so very very sorry to hear this... BUT--as you said, you are a strong woman and will beat this!!!!! God be with you...

Much Love and Prayers,
Betsy

farmer said...

You will be in my thoughts,My heart goes out to you and your family.

Nelson Mandela:

"After climbing a great hill,
one only finds that there are more hills to climb.
I have taken a moment here to rest,
to steal a view of the glorious vista that surrounds me
and to look back on the distance I have come.
But I dare not linger and can only rest a moment,
for my long walk is not ended."

Lois Evensen said...

I am so sorry you did not get better news. All the best for a very successful treatment plan.

Great big hugs and love,
Lois

It's me said...

Lieve Leontien...ik weet niet wat ik moet zeggen nu...geef mij ook en paar dagen.......dikke knuffels.....zit gewoon te janken hier....liefs van mij...xxx...

Cindy Ellison said...

Please know we all are here for you ... praying for you and your family. If ever there was a fighter, it is you. The story of your life shows your courage and determination. I am sorry to hear about this "setback" but day by day this will be behind you. My husband Clint (Lyrics of Love & Lore) and I send you our love! Please keep us updated. ♥

Jill said...

I am so sorry for this bad news. I pray for you and know you ARE a fighter. You will find your sword. You are a strong woman with much support and love around you. I wish that I could stand next to you and give you a big hug.

Jill said...

Dear Leontien:
This is not what I was hoping for...nor were you...nor were any of us.

You will find your sword again. In the meantime, your family, friends and those of us in blogger land will be here to lean on. We will hold you up high in prayer. We will listen if you need to talk. You are a strong, beautiful person. We will help you fight.

Melodie said...

I am very sorry. You are a warrior,I know you will find your sword again! You have a whole army of prayers and good thought senders in your blogging family.

Florida Farm Girl said...

Ah, child!!! Take a deep breath or ten. Gather your wits and kick the hell out of this stuff for good!!! You will be thought of and prayed for daily. Hugs to you and Bastien, and the whole family every day!!!!

Marissa ♥ said...

I wish I had the right encouraging words to give that could make you feel better or lighten your heavy load that you must be feeling. I can't say that I know what you're going through or how you feel because the truth is, I have no idea. But I can say for sure that my heart and thoughts are with you this morning and my prayers will continue to go up for you. I admire your courage and spirit. I believe without a doubt you are a fighter and you will find that sword & those panties.

Love & hugs & prayers,
Marissa

wagfarms said...

You will never be in this fight alone...and when you can't find your strength, we'll be here to help hold you up.

Alica said...

I am so sorry Leontien! Will be praying for you and thinking of you often!

Jeanie said...

I am so sorry that this is the news you got. I'm wishing you all the courage and strength and spirit that I know is within you.

Jeanie said...

I am so sorry that this is the news you got. I'm wishing you all the courage and strength and spirit that I know is within you.

Louise said...

You're tough and smart and funny, and you will get those panties back. I'm not much of a praying person, Leontien, but I can tell you this; every day I will send positive thoughts your way. You fight, girl. You're the kind of person this sore old Earth needs, and you just draw deep on the strength that you have banked with her in the past.

Raindrops and Daisies said...

I am so sorry to read your news.

I have no words for you Leontien
but to let you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

You are strong and a fighter.

x

Kim said...

I will be praying you find your inner strength to fight this again. Grab those skull panties and be a warrior.

MilkMaid09 said...

You are an incredibly strong, brave woman! To have handled as much as you have already is more than most people accomplish in their lifetime. Praying for you and your family.

TexWisGirl said...

oh, leo... i'm so sorry you are facing this yet again. you will rally and find whatever weapons you need to do battle. your spirit is your biggest sword of all. i will continue my prayers for you that you remain undaunted in the face of adversity...

Garden of Egan said...

Leontien! You have been so much on my mind and in my heart. My prayers have been so fervent for you.
I am so very sorry. I wish there was something I could say or do.
It doesn't seem fair.
Hang on my friend. There are so many who care about you and love you.

don said...

I'm sorry to hear of that negative news. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers as you start this new phase. Hang in there…and I know you will.

Sharon said...

I am so sorry about your news! It really sucks, big time. You have fought this bugger before and I know you can do it again! Hang in there, you already know the drill. My thoughts are with you always!

Cris said...

Love you girl. We are all praying for you!

Lisa @ Two Bears Farm said...

I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope you feel all the support we have for you in the blogging community. Huge hugs!!

Dreaming said...

Tears, compassion, hugs and much love coming to you. I hope you can feel it. You have so many folks behind you who are ready to march up that hill with you, lend you strength and cheer you on. Maybe even some of us older folks who shake our head and wonder, 'why you?' Wish we could take the pain for you - just like we wish we could take the pain and suffering for our own children.
Yes, you are a fighter. You have a way of keeping your sense of humor. You'll need it as you meet this next cancer bully. Find those skull panties.... kick the bully in the butt!
Thanks for sharing this with us. Many probably couldn't. Even the telling must be difficult.
We love you. God Bless you.

Elizabeth Grimes said...

You ARE a fighter. Praying you find your sword and the strength to conquer this. I'm sure you will.

Annette said...

Keep posting. You need a place to rant and rave and be positive and negative and everything inbetween. Your blog is a good, safe place for that. We're pulling for you, we will support you, and we will understand when you just want to throw rocks at something.

Ed Pilolla said...

though we have just met, i am thinking of you and will pray for you. love and light...

ellie k said...

Hang in there, you will be in my prayers. You are a strong lady, just put on your big girl panties and fight this.

Larkrise garden girl said...

Leontien, you have a group of friends here that are supporting you with our prayers and love. You are not alone and are well loved.We will be there rooting you on every step of the way. You don't have to act brave all the time or happy all the time we have all grown to love you as you are. Hugs and prayers Cheri

Samantha said...

Take some time to process..and feel what you need to feel..and then you'll be ready to kick this thing right in the ass.
FIERCE, my friend, FIERCE.

Angelina said...

Lieve Leontien,

Je vecht nooit alleen !!!

Enorm veel Sterkte meid.

Liefs van Mayk, Angelina en Brent

ann said...

Leontien You will be in my prayers You will find that sword and be stronger than ever. Maybe you can get a different treatment insist on it one that isn't going to make you feel so bad.

Leah @ Beyer Beware said...

Loving you! Hugs from all of us at the Beyer house. I think a trip to Cincinnati is needed before you start treatments.

Cinderella said...

Oh sweet Leontien, I am so sorry to hear that about the biopsies. My heart goes out to you.

((HUGS))

Cancer is one of the cruelest opponents I have ever heard of. Scares you, gives you hope, takes it away, and repeats the cycle.

I wish doctors knew more than they do.

All the choices are hard.

My empathy again, and more hugs.

Terry M Scott (AKA Terry Mann) said...

Leontien- I think farmer said it best with Nelson Mandela.
Hugs

Eternal Lizdom said...

Praying for strength and healing and courage for you, Leontien.

Jane @ Going Jane said...

The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms.
—Deuteronomy 33:27

Know that you are in my thoughts & prayers and that YOU CAN DO THIS!

Tanna at The Brick Street Bungalow said...

Leontien, you are a fighter. You are only sitting on the side waiting for the next bell to ring and then start back the fight. And, all my money is on you, girl!!

You have the spirit to beat this thing. Find those panties and gird yourself. I am praying and praying for you to find the strength and the courage and all the will you need to fight this thing. blessings and hugs ~ tanna

This Farm Family's Life said...

prayers and hugs :0)

Poppy said...

Sending you love,((hugs)) and prayers too xxx

Ricki Jill Treleaven said...

Leontien, please know that I will be praying for you daily. With God's strength you can fight this!

{{{hugs}}} from Alabama,
Ricki Jill

Deila said...

I held my breath when I looked for your update. This really sucks. Sorry to hear this news and the trials before you. I may have missed your first posts about your cancer -- is it melanoma? I do know a young man who at age 14 was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma --they tried a treatment at UCLA (about 15 years ago) and recovered. They did some vaccination type thing. It runs in my family, and my husbands too. we get checked every six months, scary.

TheCrankyCrow said...

God must have found a very worthy warrior in you my dear Leontien - and I know for certain this enemy will find no fiercer battle. My heart aches for you....and if need be, I will send you a whole box full of new skull panties. The sword, I know, has already been lifted - by all those of us who are lifting you up - and will continue to lift you up, in prayer. Robin

TheCrankyCrow said...

PS - no one looks cuter in coveralls and boots than you.... Robin

LindaG said...

Leontien, I am truly sorry to hear this.
*Hugs* and prayers. God Bless. ♥

Suz said...

I wish you strength. I'm praying for you.

Julia said...

Dear Leontien, I'm sadden and shocked to hear this devastating sad news. I was really expecting some positive new. This seems so unfair. There you are in the prime of your life with so many more goals to reach and getting this bad news is like a kick in the guts.

You won round one and came out stronger and now round two. I know what you mean by loosing your sword, I don't know how I would manage round two myself either.

I'm joining your family and friends in prayers for courage and strength and a full recovery. Stay positive as it helps heal and fight this ugly cancer. HUGS, I CARE SWEET LADY... Julia

Dawson Cattle Company said...

You are a brave and couragous woman. You will attack this will all you are. You have the strength, love and support of sooo many. There is a song right now that Martina McBride sings..."I will love you through this" I will send prayers your way. love to you and your family.

Katie @Pinke Post said...

Crying for you and giving you strength through prayers Leontien. We are cheering you on and we have swords to share. Keep sharing with us and what you want us to pray for...
Katie

Dakotapam said...

Praying dear. You can and will fight.

Ms. A said...

Bless your heart! I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

rainfield61 said...

When you seem to have lost your sword, I'll give you more.

Paula said...

I haven't known you long but you can count on my prayers to help you fight your battle.

geetlee said...

lots of love Leontien
Let's FIGHT through this!

Sandra said...

thank you for the dutch song I loved it and i went to youtube and found it. loved it. this is the one i found
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ueyn93dXXZM don't know how to link it so you will have to copy and paste it.

Out on the prairie said...

Your attitude is what will carry you through this part of life. God Bless.

Betty Manousos@ Cut and Dry said...

i'm so sad you're facing that again.
my thoughts and prayers are with you.
i'll be praying hard for you, leo.

hang in there...okay? i just know what a brave woman you are.

(((hugs)))

betty xx

Lila said...

Sending prayers your way!! You have more strength than you know. Even crappy answers are better than the wondering and you have a ton of people behind you who not only want to help you fight but NEED to help you fight! Fight to win girl!

Gail Dixon (Louisiana Belle) said...

Praying all will end well and that you find the strength to cope. (((hugs)))

Furry Bottoms said...

Shoot, Leontien, that was not what we wanted to hear. I am so sorry.

I think we should take up a collection of skull panies just for you. You are a survivor, obviously, and your fight is impressive. Keep up with it and know that there are so many who want to see you succeed.

Lots of HUGSHUGSHUGSHUGSHUGS to you. Strengthening Hugs.

Let the tears fall where they may; you are never alone. Whether you can see or not, you've got a supporter walking every step with you.

Buttons said...

I was just thinking You do not need those panties cause you are awesome and reading all these posts should make you realize just how loved you truly are from people you have never met. You truly are an amazing woman with a talent of bringing people together in laughter and bad times, now we get to repay some of that. We will ALL be here to listen even if it is to curse this darn thing out.
I would so send you skull panties we should start collecting any one have an idea how to do this?
My prayers are with you. Go get it. B

Anonymous said...

You are added to my prayer list. Deep breaths. Be strong. Many are with you in this fight.
Marilyn

mountain mama said...

so...we all have battles...i don't know why yours is this one...but i do know that you have lots of love and support and prayers going up for you.

stay strong :)
{hugs}

Debbie said...

you never know how strong you are, till being strongs the only choice!!

ooooohhhhh and i'm sending you a virtual sword, just in case ;)!!

Susan said...

Damn, damn, damn, I was really hoping for you! You look like an awesome woman, I am hoping and praying for you!!!!!!

Susan

Arkansas Patti said...

That news sucks big time but if there is good news, you are now on the proactive course. It has been discovered and today there are so many weapons on your side.
You are in my prayers--you will beat this.

Jessica Nunemaker from little Indiana said...

I am sorry to hear that--but you can beat this!

Hang in there, lady. You've got a whole cheering crowd on the ol' internet!

Millie said...

My human and I are both so sorry to hear that you've had such bad news. We'll keep you in our thoughts and send loving energy.

Dolores said...

I read your post yesterday, and I'm sorry to say that I was too upset to send you a message........I wanted to say 'the right thing' to you....
Initially, I felt so angry, thinking of you having to go through so much again.
I don't know what to say..."all of the others have said what I'd like to say"
Just know that you're in my thoughts and prayers!
Love..

Amy said...

Praying you through this. Let us other Indiana women know how we can help you besides prayer.

Ginger said...

Ugh! So sorry to hear this news. I'll definitely be praying for you. Be strong and positive...you can and will get through this.

Negerigeletschtempoit said...

Be strong Leontien! Be brave and remember that we are all praying for you. You will beat this thing!
Love ya!

Julia said...

Wow Leonetien, your stats are way up the roof.
See, you are not alone, so many are praying for you. I'm sending some healing love your way. You are on my mind and prayers every day. Love and Hugs, Julia

Sush said...

Oh Leontien...I've been away for a few helping my husband deal with his kidney stone. The specialist discovered a spot on his kidney so we are dealing with a tad more than waiting for the stone to pass. My heart goes out to you and my prayers are soaring to the heavens to send comfort and healing your way.
Much love and prayers...

Katherines Corner said...

You are strong, you are loved. I send you hugs and I send you prayers. My hand in yours. Hugs!

Marco Otten said...

He Leo,

lees het net. Weet niet wat ik moet zeggen. Kan het niet bevatten waarom maar ook deze keer ga je het weer winnen. Vol goede moed ertegenaan. Sterkte en succes. We bellen wel weer een keer. Groeten Marco

Not So Simply Single said...

Wow, darling, I am so sorry! Will put you on the list for prayers...

Certainly puts things in perspective for me...

God bless you!
Lisa

About Muriel said...

i know you can fight this!!!

you are in my prayers and thoughts Leontien!

Cinderella11pm said...

Just came by to say hello again and to see how you are feeling this morning, Leontien. ((hugs))

aurora said...

Blog hopped over from Living a Dream. Great poem. You'll find your sword, and get your skull panties back. Sending good thoughts your way!!