Thursday, September 8, 2011

Rainbow colored basket case


My gosh!

I just can’t keep up! It is truly amazing what you guys are doing!
I feel simply overwhelmed with sweetness, kind thoughts and prayers and it sure is a good kind off “being overwhelmed” and yes I’m going to visit all of your blogs soon! I should have some “free” time coming up…


I was planning on a funny story… I have several…  But they don’t want to come out of my head. Last week has been a roller coaster and we haven’t seen the end yet. Since I posted last Monday I have not seen a doctor. Apparently it is really hard to figure out what is going in my breast on so they need some more time. In the mean time Bastiaan and the rest of the family have insisted I go get a second opinion, so I made some phone calls and maybe next week we are going on a little trip… to a special cancer center that is.

Which makes me very scared, because I like to stay here, in my own bed. With our own bathroom (that is getting really pretty by the way) and with our own animals. I don’t really want to be shipped off to a place where there are only sick people in a strange hospital in a strange bed without my wonderful stud and crazy Jones who keeps barking at coyotes in the middle of the night (which drives me absolutely NUTS…)! Last time we did this (the chemo thing) I was absolutely happy to go get “better” every other day to go and focus on the bookkeeping, talking to Colby about the girls, and minding my brothers business. So now I am scared that if I don’t have all these things to keep me busy, how in the world am I suppose to get better…

But…

Maybe being away from home makes me focus more on getting better, instead of worrying about the farm all the time (which is a common thing for farmers, and which comes like a second nature to me, I was after all the one with the “American dream” to milk cows in this amazing country)…. and actually GET BETTER?

Though choice…


Today (Thursday) we go to Dr Nala and hopefully we will find out about what the game plan is. And if she thinks that maybe we need to go to “a special place” I think I will pack our suitcase and stuff in full of “home”, get my scull pantie  (yes I really need some more of those) and hop on the plane with Bastiaan, see how windy the windy city really is…

In the mean time I’m gonna make one hundred mistakes a day at the farm (cause I just can’t focus), automatically knowing my sweet hubby, mom & dad and little brother are fixing them behind my back, continue being a little rainbow colored chameleon who changes color ever five minutes (just like my emotions, by the way, this sound WAY more romantic then it really is…) and just ENJOY and feeling incredibly BLESSED with reading your comments, suggestions and cyber hugs!

Cancer butt kicking is going to be a piece of cake with all of you by my side…


70 comments:

Larkrise garden girl said...

Leontien, As usual you have regrouped and scared or not you have your family and all your blogger friends that love you and are behind you.There are no magical words that I can say but that your such a great young woman and we wish you weren't going thru this stupid cancer. Praying as usual and a big warm hug from California. Cheri

Furry Bottoms said...

I found a skull panty for you. But I didn't want you to think I was coming on too strongly becaue that doesn't float my boat :) I just understand that skull panties help you in your fight.

You're awesome. Scared or not, you're surrounded by love that you can and cannot see.

Dani said...

I love the term "Cancer Butt Kicking"! I'm going to save that one for my phrases and sayings.

I highly recommend some gloves and a punching bag whenever you need to vent some of that frustration! (And you can kick the bag too!)

don said...

Great doggie shots with which to send us your thoughts today. I admire your attitude and resolute determination with this problem. I certainly understand how "home" is the place one wants to be. Strange places and not feeling the best…just don't mix. Keep looking up!

Katie @Pinke Post said...

Hugs from the skies somewhere over Wyoming right now. Cheering, praying and sending you cancer butt kicking swords. Keep us posted Leontien. There's a BIG army behind you right now that will help you through this day by day. Blessings,
Katie

Julia said...

Dear Leontien, I'm so glad that you posted an update today. Getting a second opinion is really a smart thing to do under the circumstances. I hope that you get stronger as the need arises and that all this will soon be behind you and your family.

Put all your attention at getting this thing sorted out and I'm sure that the farm is in good hands while you take care of yourself. Hugs and prayers. JB

Rancher Debbie said...

Cancer sucks! That was the phrase for a fundraising campaign when my son's friend was fighting lymphoma. I know it disrupts everything in your life--but you can do this! Kick it with all you've got and remember that will win you many more days on the farm.

Our "Rural Women Rock" are behind you and cheering you on! Keep up the blogging--so we can keep on commenting and praying for you!

Brooke @ Rural Gone Urban said...

I've been reading your wonderful blog for a while - and through the laughter, tears and .. laughter - I think you are one of the strongest women ever! Even without those skull panties!

My two acres said...

Good luck to you and know that we are all pulling for you and hoping for the best. Just keep dreamin' and remain determined! My prayers are with you.

Alica said...

Hang in there my friend...many thoughts and prayers coming your way!

Jill said...

My dear sweet girl...
I can understand not wanting to leave home. But, if it can make you better, you must. We are all praying for you. We will be with you in spirit and love no matter where you are.

Put those big girl skull panties on and KICK CANCER's BUTT!

The Wife of a Dairyman said...

Leontien, you are such a strong person, I know you can kick this thing again! You take care of yourself first and foremost, the farm will be waiting when you're ready. Sending thoughts and prayers from California to you.
~nancy

Ott, A said...

Sending lots of prayers your way!!!

jtgirlblogs said...

Leonien-

I hope you found your scull panties and your sword as of today. If you haven't found those panties, I say we get you some in the mail. As far as the swords, it looks like you have an army of folks fighting for you- and we are bringing many prayers with us!

God bless,

Jodi

Colleen Cecil said...

Sending you big hugs and courage from Northern California! You are a fighter and are a role model for all of us.

Sandra said...

my prayer now is this place in the windy city will have a wonderful answer for you. love the shots of your sweet dog, even if he does bark at night. not much i can do but send you hugs and well wishes through the internet so here they come....

TexWisGirl said...

SHE'S BACK!!! now THAT'S the girl we've come to know, admire and love so dearly! i am hoping your doc has some good courses of action, and if need be, that special place will give you all the fighting power you need. :)

Ellie said...

I'm glad to hear from you. You have got such a good attitude and strength of character. Go get your panties on (I was going to say knickers but thought it sounded rude) and fight this beast.
As usual hugs coming your way!!!

Terry M Scott (AKA Terry Mann) said...

Let me tell you from experience.
Yeah, it's windy, but oh so lovely. Especially walking on the lakeshore promonade, with all the sailboats bobbing in the water. The lake seems like it goes on forever!
I'm hoping you won't need to go there though, except maybe for a holiday!

Terry M Scott (AKA Terry Mann) said...

Oh yeah, almost forgot, well you'll see!!!

Ms. A said...

Your amazing attitude is surely an asset to your battle! Thoughts and prayers.

~Kim at Golden Pines~ said...

I'm catching up on your blog and wanted to let you know that I know what a difficult time this is for you. But I hope that you will continue to hold onto that inner strength and courage that I KNOW you have! Never forget or doubt that many of us are here keeping you in our prayers and cheering you on!!

Buttons said...

You GO GIRL. You are going to beat this. B

Ginger said...

What;s going on here?!?! Instead of leaving a comment to boost your spirits, your blog is boosting mine!!

Keep positive...you're doing an amazing job already! Prayers for you and your family!

Lisa @ Two Bears Farm said...

Leaving home to get treatment would be hard. And I'm sure getting a second opinion is not so pleasant either. Hang in there. I'm sure those animals don't mind if you seem unfocused ;-) Want me to mail you some persimmon fudge to try? It tastes more like maple sugar candy than persimmons - strangely enough!

Lisa @ Two Bears Farm said...

Oh, and I forgot - I didn't have your email so I wasn't able to answer your question about the tomatillos. They are little green tomatoes that have a husk around them. They are what salsa verde is made from.

Hannah said...

Thoughts and prayers coming your way from Texas. Your strength is truly inspiring, and just from the comments above, I can tell that you have truly touched so many in such a positive way. Even through your own struggles, you're able to lift up others. It's truly amazing! Keep up the good fight!!

Anonymous said...

I have been praying for you, I think it is a wise choice to get a second opinion. you need to let the family take care of the farm and you get busy getting this behind you and then back to the farm business.

LindaG said...

*hugs* Leontien. I know how you feel. I absolutely do not like to travel, or be away from home any more. Hubby and I have been together too long. We discussed me staying at the retirement property and getting a job there, so that I could keep up with the mowing and such, but hubby looked at me and said "Do you really think either of us would get any sleep?"

I think a second opinion is a wise thing to do in this case.

The only things I can suggest are to take any books you want to read. Take pictures of everything and take them with you.
If you have one, take your cell phone and a charger. You may want to call someone who's number you can't otherwise remember.
And if you have a laptop? Take that with you, too. Many hospitals allow them now.

*Hugs* Wishing you all the best with lots of prayers. ♥

About Muriel said...

i'm thinking about you Leo and believe you combat this with all your goodness, positivity and love! stay strong dear one!

It's me said...

Lieverdje ...ik weet nog steeds niet wat te zeggen...sla een arm om je heen...en geef je een dikke knuffel....het is voor mij te moeilijk te vers....om over die rotziekte te praten.....dikke kus ...knuffels van mij....wil je even je adres mailen naar me???...xxx...

lisa said...

You are strong, you are awesome, and you are inspiring, Leontien.
Sending you hugs, and wishes for the very best!

Susan said...

Oh Leontien, what to say? I am so proud of you. Talking so bravely even though you face a battle. It is a courageous person who does the right thing in the face of danger. You are a courageous woman. My heart is with you, and so are my prayers!!!!!

Susan

Arkansas Patti said...

Happy about two thing. One that your back is being covered by your family. Lean on them, they can take it. Two, second opinion is ALWAYS good. Know your best tools and use them. Please keep us in the loop and we will keep you in our prayers. You will win.

Gail Dixon (Louisiana Belle) said...

With your positive energy and feisty attitude I know you can beat this! Put on those scull panties and kick cancer's booty!

Poppy said...

You get out there and kick that Cancer butt! We are all here for you, keeping you afloat, sending you love and hugs xxx

Sharon said...

Glad to hear you will get second opinion, a third wouldn't hurt either.

I know about now, you feel like you are going in eight directions at once. I wish I could say you will feel better about this soon, but it will come.

You are always on my mind...

XXX

troutbirder said...

My admiration and best wishes to you always. Hang in there. ;)

Jeanie said...

I'm so glad you are feeling so much love and support from so many bloggers. You have shown something special that makes so many people care about you. I know you will get the best information and choose the best course for your healing. Hang in there.....you have a lot of good wishes coming your way.

Garden of Egan said...

Ah, sweet Leontien! You know that there are so many people that love you! I'm sure everyone wishes they could take your place or just make sure it gets GONE once and for all.

You are so much in my prayers.

Love and hug you!

BigD said...

Hang in there, Girl.
I have faith you can wipe this!
I'm praying for you.

TheCrankyCrow said...

I could easily be a hermit (well, to be honest, some say I actually AM a hermit)and leaving home these days does not suit me. Leaving that safe place for something so invasive, unsettling and unknown - and which will likely give you even more confusing information to digest - has to be downright frightful. But you NEED to do it. Bastiaan is right...And home - well, it will be in good, capable, and loving hands while you are away, and it will be waiting for you when you come back - and be all the sweeter. Prayers going up all over the land of Nod for you my dear sweet Leontien...I think you need to share you address so we can start replenishing your panty inventory.... ;o) Big Smiles & Big Hugs ~ Robin

ann said...

Hi there I am into the second opinion always never know. Take care I like your Doggy Your in my prayers

Saimi said...

Haha I think Gail is right, you should put on the skull panties and by a bra to match!

Hang in there girl and know that your in every ones prayers and mine as well!!

You have a beautiful dog by the way!!

Michaele said...

I knew you would be back! We are with you! Nice dog!

Tanna at The Brick Street Bungalow said...

Leontien, I know as I sit here at this time of day, you have some news from Dr. Nala. I don't know what that news is, but I am sending prayers your way everyday, several times a day. I'm glad you've got those skull panties packed! Sending blessings and hugs ~ tanna

Angela said...

You go and kick some cancer in the butt girl! Let someone else take care of the animals and you take care of you. Right now you are number 1. Your health and needs should come first.

Hugs & Prayers!
Angela

rainfield61 said...

You have been great and brave all the while.

You must be able to fight through.

jplovescotton.com said...

I know we've talked now and then, but not often enough. Sorry to hear you have another step to take but I hope you are finding the right doctors with the necessary expertise.

Have you talked with @jilib much? We've known each other only through SM for a couple of years but a lot of us have been tracking her battle with with cancer through SM. She got an iPad so she could stay connected during treatments and all -- she tells some of the best stories ever on her FB page.... now I just need to get her blogging!

Clipped Wings said...

If it comes to that, taking part of home with you in that suitcase will keep you connected with all that you love; and with your wonderful family and friends always in your corner, you've got the best there is of life. Hugs and kisses to you, sweet lady. You're always in my thoughts.

Samantha said...

Getting a second opinion is smart, and the cancer treatment centers are wonderful if you have to go that route.
You've got more cheerleaders than the NFL behind you...you can do this!

Louise said...

You just keep keepin' on. That's what life is all about, it seems. Getting a second opinion is a good idea. Sometimes, even the best of doctors make mistakes, and it's better to have another group of people take a look.

Love ya (and I mean that, you're very lovable, even if we just know you from your blog.

Elizabeth Grimes said...

Maybe you didn't post a funny story, but I'm still smiling...and inspired. Good luck with your trip and I'm sure you're making the right decision, doing what's best for you. Your family sounds amazing as well.

Cinderella said...

Dear Leontien,
Cancer is scary beyond my comprehension. If all of our love and caring and good wishes help you in getting through it, then I am so glad for you.
Thinking of you with *Blessings* for you.
((hugs and more hugs))

Dolores said...

A second opinion sounds like a good idea. You're in my daily thoughts and prayers!
Hugs to you sweet friend,

bon bon said...

i'm just checking in cuz it's been a while...

we are all pulling for you to get better and STAY better, sweetie! if you could harness our collective willpower, not only would you be cancer-free but we could rocket your bmw to the moon and back. :o)

Paula said...

You have so many loving friends here to urge you on. I want to urge you on too as a new friend.

Light-In-A-Box said...

Hello, thanks so much for your recent visit to my blog, I'm new to your blog & little sad that you must fight such a nasty battle. Please hang in there & never lose hope. Fight that dragon with all you got!!!
Cheers :-)

Deila said...

Oh yes, do go to another place, even though you will be away from home. Doctors are like any other profession, and some are really really good at what they do, some are blessed to make the right choices for you, and some are just better problem solvers. But don't worry, we will all follow your blog there, and keep praying for you.

Diana said...

Hi Leontien,
I am so happy that you came to visit my blog. And at the same time I am sorry to hear about what you are going through. You sound like a tough and positive lady. I really like that. It's true, our blog buddies sure do make a difference in our recovery. You can add me to your list. I will follow along with your progress and add you to my prayers as well. Keep your spirits up for now and I understand how it feels to hand your house over to others! Good Luck to you. And thanks again for taking the time to stop by. Love Di ♥

Lana said...

YOU GO GIRL! You know we are behind you 100% and will do whatever it takes to lift you up over this current challenge. Feel the love and let it carry you when those chameleon colors go to the dark side of white!

Amy said...

First, I'm going to need a definition for scull panties. Second, I bet if you go to a special place for treatment, there will be special people from the blogosphere ready to step in and be what you need.

Maartje Rijkers said...

Hey Leontien en Bastiaan, ook vanuit Nijmegen heel veel 'hugs'.
En een X van Maartje

Farmer's Wyfe said...

Praying for you. Take it one day at a time. I hate cancer, the fear and upheaval it has brought me and so many others, but you can kick it. My mom did. We'll all be praying for you. Maybe you should sneak a canine friend in your suitcase. :) He is beautiful. Is he border collie or Austrailian shepherd...both favorites of mine. Beautiful, smart dogs.

Jessica Nunemaker from little Indiana said...

I've been thinking about you!

Big prayers that Thursday brings good news. Peace to you and yours.

Alisa said...

Oh no... I haven't been by your blog lately so am just reading this. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Aimee @ everydayepistle.com said...

I hate cancer. Hang in there, L. Praying for your strength.

Jill said...

I also "second" a second opinion. Just a plain good idea! You are an inspiration!

Susan said...

Hi Leontien, I came straight over from Buttons' blog. I fall behind badly in visiting blogs, and yours was one of them.
I'm definitely another one of your supporters :D)

Prairie Mother said...

Leontien, God Bless You! I praying that the Lord watches over you and heals your body. With your positive attitude you'll be able to keep up the fight.