Now as you might know, “relax” isn’t in my dictionary. So she couldn’t ask for something more difficult, but I figured she knows best so, I should at least give it a try…
I knew that horse riding, which usually relaxes me, wasn’t the solution (see: How a girl gets a horse). I didn’t have the energy and stamina to stay or even get on my horse and I thought it wouldn’t look very good if I would be done with treatments but still had to go to the hospital to treat a broken arm or leg...
So I figured I might try something new.
After discussing several options with the docs, I went on the Internet and bought myself a yoga book.
Two days later I had the book and I was pretty content with myself for trying something new.
I got, like, 5 towels and spent and HOUR arranging them in the right position, and they still didn’t look like the picture in the book (which I can tell you, is NOT relaxing at all).
But I got down on the floor and while glaring at the book several times I tried to get myself into the right positions, I didn’t do much better with myself then I did with my towels….I tried to follow the instructions and in the mean time also trying to relax and clear my mind about all the stuff that was going on. I spent an hour bending my body into the shapes in which it had never been before…
My theory, “you should do everything you do for one hundred percent or you shouldn’t do it at all.”
The next day I simply could not get out of bed. Everything was hurting, and not the hurt from the side effects! From my little toe all the way up to the top of my head, I was in pain. I defiantly didn’t feel relaxed and because I couldn’t focus true all this pain I missed my opportunity to go to the farm.
I had a pretty tight schedule: Monday afternoon: chemo, Tuesday: side effects, Wednesday morning: farm work, Wednesday afternoon: chemo, Thursday: side effects, Friday morning: farm work, Friday afternoon: chemo, Saturday: side effects, Sunday: farm work and sometimes something fun and Monday morning: farm work before we drove up to the hospital and start the whole cycle again… Not going to the farm made me even more worried because I couldn’t make paychecks for our boys. So end result of the yoga session; no relaxing, more worrying, more stress and even more pain!
And that is and was no good.
At about the same time me and my little brother talked about me having a drum set, I strongly believed that I would be just absolutely fantastic at drumming! I fantasized that it would be my undiscovered talent and while explaining to everybody why I was walking so funny for the next 4 days, “yes, I tried yoga, and NO, I’m not doing it again”, my brother secretly (with the help of my wonderful parents) bought a drum set from one of our neighbors for a really good price and one day of helping them out with our big pay loader.
On a Sunday not long after my fiasco with the yoga, they (as in my family) lured me to my brother’s house and surprised me with a beautiful red drum set. We took it home and set it up. And for the next weeks every time I felt defeated, angry, hurt or REALLY angry because of my sickness (see: What cancer does to somebody like me) I would sit behind my drum set and just SMASHED all my anger, hurt and frustration out of me.
I don’t have any more talent for playing the drums as I have for yoga, but I do feel sooooooo much better after I hit it and it doesn’t hurt as much as practicing yoga!
I found out not everybody deals with stress in the same way, I also figured out some people have different methods to relieve their stress. Apparently mine is hitting my drumsticks in a "tadum tadum tadum" way on my drum set for at least 10 minutes and I’ll be good for the rest of the day….
